I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
