Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
