Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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