Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Oh god it's open bar.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
