she woke up with a sticky ear
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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