She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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