I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
