Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
