so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
