xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
