I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
