3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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