And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
