I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
