I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You're a waste of cheezeits
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
