She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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