so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We are two peas in an std pod
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
