I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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