By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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