opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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