if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I stole a fireplace last night.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
