Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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