Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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