you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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