Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
