it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
