: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
