Well apparently he's into motor boating.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
