Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
