I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
