Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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