and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
sex in a hospital.. check
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
