dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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