sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
