My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
