If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
How does one acquire holy water?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
