i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
she smelled like a LAN party
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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