The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
