I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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