It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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