hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
