Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
