I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
