i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
