Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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