he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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