so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
