she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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