And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
