Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
