i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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