Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
