i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
